There are a lot of things about being 38 that I love. For example, most of my dearest friendships are older than anyone on the Royals roster, including Alex Gordon. Our closest relationships age right along with us. I love that.

Also under the LOVE column: in less than 2 years, I’ll be 40 and I’ll finally need glasses. Like, legit glasses, not just these blue-light filtering imposters I wear now when I’m studying. Yes, they’re allegedly helping preserve my eyesight, but I’m really just using them to perfect my moves for when I finally do need glasses: thoughtfully tapping the temple against my lips when I’m trying to recall something important, holding them in one hand while frustratingly pinching the bridge of my nose with the other. So, that’s coming up. Eeeee!

And then there are things that I’m just…okay…with. Like, wearing high-waisted jeans that nobody knows are high-waisted because I didn’t choose them for fashion’s sake, but for profile’s sake.  I don’t necessarily love this reality, but I accept it.

Also, I don’t know who the hell Cardi B is. And I’m more than okay with that.

But, filed under the category of  Oh, Damn…This is Freaking Harder Than I Thought: New Things.

Exhibit A: Going back to school.

One of the first hurdles I faced in regard to this endeavor was biting my tongue when responding to my new classmates in our obligatory Get To Know Each Other exercises to start each semester.

Alyssa, I think it’s SO amazing that your chasing all you’re dreams and going back to school. I can totally relate!!!!!!!! I graduated from high school in 2014, and tried a few different jobs but they were just TOOOO stressful!!!!!!! But I love kids and summertime is life!  So I thought I’d give teaching a try. Good luck this semester!!!!!! 

Mackynleighanna,  the first time I enrolled in college, I used a #2 pencil and a bubble sheet. I had a bag phone in my car—for emergencies! And I taped “90210.” We’re nothing alike. Also, there’s a toilet in the background of the selfie you used for your Blackboard profile pic. 

But whatevs…I put my head down and did the work, as my spirit animal, Iyanla Vanzant, advises.  All of my classes are online, and frankly, some of them feel like I’m burning money. But, I figured out my schedule and my process, and soon enough, this “going back to school thing” feels old hat, too.

In February, it was time to get in the classroom…FINALLY! Just a few hours a week, but it was what I’ve been waiting for—the chance to get in the trenches!

But, that’s all new, too. Just because I love kids, and even had a few, doesn’t mean I know what the hell I’m doing with them. I quickly realized I couldn’t threaten to take away “Fuller House” to get them to follow my directions. And that I was probably wasting my time and energy by continuously asking Aaron if he needed a tissue (Are you sure, bud? ‘Cause I’m pretty sure you do…if you just blow your nose I bet you’d feel a lot better!) And that I have to constantly watch my head because I’m always bumping into hanging “number-ellas” and other mobile devices.

Nothing compared to the nervous energy I had yesterday before walking in to teach (and film!) my own lesson plan for a final grade. When I was a senior at TU, we played #1-ranked Duke in a sold-out arena, and Iciss Tillis blocked my shot and wagged her finger at me, a la Manute Bol. That pales in comparison to the angst I felt getting ready to teach contractions to 21 first-graders. Are they going to get this? Did I make this too hard? Too simple? Did I forget a step? Did I misspell apostrophe on that worksheet? Does my mentor teacher wonder how I’ve made this far? Do I have a shrill voice?

But, I did it. I taught contractions. And while we were performing Word Surgery—cutting up words, putting them back together, leaving a little scar—I kept thinking about that scene from the movie “What About Bob?”:

Okay, so I forgot to ask one of my Essential Questions in my Anticipatory Set.  I contradicted myself when I gave directions for the matching worksheet. I forgot to leave enough time for cleaning up. I’m probably going to lose points for all of that when my professor watches my recording.

But I hope she catches that part at the end, when Bryan came up and hugged me, and said, “Mrs. Camel…can we keep the gloves?”

I’m 38. And I’m teaching! I’m teaching!